Tanzanian Association Oslo

THE COMEDY AT

SHARM EL-SHEIKH

BY ADAM LUSEKELO

I WAS on telly at the show at African presidents' grand performance. It was hilarious.

Especially after Zimbabwe's tough guy, Mzee Bob Mugabe, walked into the hall. Suddenly all the presidents started tying their shoe-laces.

Others hastily started holding talks with their aides -- anything but locking eyes with Mzee Bob.

The Mzee, who was flanked by burly toughs as he entered the hall majestically as he casted a daring glare to who will dare ask him if people in Zim love to be whacked by his thugs for their own good. No one said fyoko!

Understandably so. Would the host President Hosni Mubarak ask anything? I don't think so. Hypothetically thinking -- suppose Mzee Bob met with Kenya's President Mwai Kibaki in some suite.

"Hi Mzee Bob Mugabe. Why did you come here? The whole world is watching, you know. Africa is building democracy and good governance. And worse, you've been killing people!" Kibaki will ask with a degree of indignation.

Mzee Bob, as cool as a cucumber, would eye Mzee Kibaki: "Huh, look who is talking! You? You Mwai lecturing me on killing people? I have hardly killed 100 trouble makers sent by the British colonialists. How many have you killed?

More than a thousand, Mwai, a thousand!" "What about the five million who have run away from Zimbabwe ? Refugees, Bob. That's not very nice."

"You call them refugees, I call them Zimbabwe tourists in South Africa. I hear that you people in Kenya were cutting off heads. Tell me how did it really go?"

Mwai hastily picks his coat and starts to leave. But Mzee Bob has not finished yet: "And Mwai, tell that young Raila, if he dares touch Zimbabwe, he might get a nasty car accident." Kibaki leaves without saying anything.

Enter Hosni Mubarak. "Asalaam aleykum, Mr Bresident. Waalahi, I will say the druth. You have stayed for too long as Prezident of Zimbabwe

.. Are you thinking of retiring?"

Mzee Bob laughs loudly: "What? You Hosni Mubarak telling me that? I know you have been president of Egypt since Adam and Eve. But really I did not know that you can be funny. I am going to see some pyramids in Giza . You can come to Zim to check out on some wildlife." He chuckles.

"Shukran!" says Hosni Mubarak before heading out surrounded by burly members of the Egyptian secret service.

Enter Jack Mrisho Kikwete, President of the United Republic of Tanzania, and Chairman of the African Union and master diplomat. He looks at Mzee Bob and smiles widely at him, Bob Mugabe.

"I would like to praise President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga of Kenya for putting Kenya's interests ahead of their personal ambitions and ending the post-election violence.

"Kenya is now calm and the grand coalition is now working," President Kikwete says and gives Mzee Bob Mugabe another dazzling smile. Mzee Bob Mugabe starts to twiddle his fingers and grunts: "Cheeky young man!..." then he nods off.

SOURCE:- THE DAILY NEWS ON WEDNESDAY (JULY 02, 2008)